GENERAL MARTOK - IN THE MOOD

Super special bank holiday treat!!! Sharp Noodle get's all international up in this bitch with the first release from Canada's nofi internet legend General Martok. Imagine if Lou Barlow & Eric Gaffney were involved in an unfortunate teleportation accident whilst working on a Sebadoh album in 1993 and, before having their hideous mutant face shotgunned up by Gina Davis, managed to record 30 awesome tracks of electro-acoustic mongpop.

In the mood is the ghost of a Fostex fourtrack rising up like sweat from the passionate love making of the young Yma Sumac and Jandek in a dense jungle of vowel-centric incantations. Or it sounds a bit like pavement, the fall, or the inbreds.

Linus Fitness-Centre - Crap Mammals

Because no one demanded it - a distinctly unmetal solo album by Snork Maiden's Linus Fitness-Centre (not to be confused with the one in Atomck). Ten tracks of under-written, overly compressed electrotosh, blending nice old synths with stupid video game noises, while Mr Fitness whines about some nerdy crap. Recorded during the winter of 2010-11, this album would have been longer but for the obligatory Sharp Noodle computer malfunction rendering it mercifully brief.

SNORK MAIDEN - STATiC TRAiN BREAD FiGHT!

So you enjoyed the last Snork opus, Cake Artistry Centre, yeah, and you'd probably like to hear more of their wonky electro pop, right? Unfortunately this here is their 1st album - 13 tracks of tape hiss smeared fx pedal bashing, recorded down a telephone line into broken 4-track in 2001. SO FUCK YOU.

Thinking with Sand - sex funeral

Brand new web-only e.p. from the hyperlazy newport noisepopniks; 2 very slack years in the making. Like blowing a hair dryer into your ear in Wookey Hole on MDMA.

Science Bastard - Alive for the BBC

The 2nd recording from the Newport noise-punk-popsters, the final to feature their original lineup. Recorded live from the Swn Festival at Chapter Arts Centre for Adam Walton's BBC Wales radio show. Only a few hour after the performance, bassist "Count Jimshnackh" murdered guitarist "Euronlinus" after a dispute over a contract for New State Radium recordings. The surving members continue as trio. Expect new music in a few months. Jimshnackh is currently serving a 21 year sentence in Norway, producing crap ambient albums and inept far right literature from his cell.

Chi Lameo - The White Album

Picture the scene: You're at home, alone. It's the evening, maybe around 8pm. You've had dinner (waffles and beans), a few beers, you're relaxed. There's nothing on TV, so you decided to listen to some music. No Death Metal because it doesn't suit your current mood. Then it hits you...The White Album. You haven't given that a spin for a while. You can't even remember how most of Side 3 goes anymore. Yes, this will be a good evening's listening. A worthwhile audio treat from 1968. Then, of course, dissapointment and anger as you realise you've put on this version by Spider Kitten frontman Chi, instead of the original.

BRONZE AGE MILLIONAIRE - CHINESE YEAR OF THE BEARD

Flash-in-the-pan casio-garage-punk twats finally cough up a release. The first half was recorded in spring 2005. After this the band split due to chief creative visionary Moore-o The Eye leaving to write, direct and star in hit BBC television show Torchwood. They reformed in spring 2006 to half-finish the job. BAM then split for good(?) that summer following a violent clash with fellow Newport scenesters frommars over alledged allegations made in top-ten single "frommars are cocks". CHINESE YEAR OF THE BEARD is a testament to what can be achieved with cheap instruments when fueled with cheaper drugs.

Thinking with Sand - last year's clouds

E.P #2 from spaced out mongmongers Thinking with Sand. Recorded in Spring 2006, mostly in the lounge of a terraced house late at night. Barely-there melodies are submerged into a sonic puke of cavernous reverb, fuzz-mess and obsolete synth aktion. Bon jovi.

science bastard - Egg EP

Thundering accross time and space! BEHOLD the burning and weird wreckage of the interstellar-class spaceship SCIENCE BASTARD!!! Emerging like a heavenly trout returned to spawn CATCHY MONGED BUSINESS up the river of your minds.